It Follows (2014)

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It Follows – Review/Rant

SYNOPSIS:

“A young woman is followed by an unknown supernatural force after a sexual encounter. Despite this…nothing actually fucking happens.”
RANT:
David Robert Mitchell. Remember that name, people, so that you may never see another one of this man’s films.
I should stop right there and leave while I still can, but no. I have invested almost 2 hours of my life into this shit, so you can certainly read my rant for 10 minutes or so.
To start off, this film (before it’s release) was over-hyped (mainly by the US), trailers for the shit went viral, and I admit – I was intrigued.
Then it was released, and Youtube videos surfaced of people reviewing the damn thing after seeing it, stating that it was “truly frightening”, “the scariest film they’ve ever seen, etc.
Okay… “Let’s see this motherfucker, and see what all the fuss is about, David Robert Mitchell”.
To begin, David comes from a comedy/romance film background.His only other feature directed is “The Myth of the American Sleepover“. I confess, I have never seen it, but after seeing this film, I never want to.
Basically, this film follows Jay (played incredibly fucking badly by Maika Monroe), who decides (for whatever reason) to have sex with a local boy. However, after fucking this guy, Jay starts to feel “followed”, lots of loud noises happen, she runs around from place to place with her eyes bulging out of her skull like she’s just seen a fucking ghost (which we actually barely get to see, ourselves), and then that’s it. END.
Basically this film is about a group of “teens” (ie: people who are actually in their mid-late 20’s playing teenagers, once again – THANKS AMERICA!), trying to “run away” from a curse which is caused when someone fucks someone… yes, you got it – The “sex curse”.
What an original idea. Does David Robert Mitchell come from the same fucking school of amateur American film-making that M. Night Shyamalan was spawned from? Shit, I hope not… All we need is another “revolutionary horror film director from America who truly knows how to scare us – by not showing us anything at all, by teasing us and then ending it all before it is given, by charging us money to see something which is promised but never fucking given…”
I will go out on a limb here and say that David Robert Mitchell of course wanted to cash in on the whole “horror” thing, but he thought a way to do this was possibly by people fucking, everyone wants to see that, right? but he must have been thinking “people fucking, that’s just porn, how do I get a horror element in there? I know, I’ll just add a curse into it, every time the people fuck, it will curse them!”
Oh yes, David, you’re so fucking talented, with the mind of a pure revolutionary horror film director to have come up with something so original here! I know for a fact that all your future films will most likely be made with the pretense of trying to “outdo” this one, and it won’t be hard for you, really David, because this was an utter fucking pile of steaming dogshit.
RATING:
0.01 out of 10 – One of the worst “recent” horror films in the last 10 years. AVOID this mess!

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