The Return of the Living Dead (1985)

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SYNOPSIS:

“When two bumbling employees at a medical supply warehouse accidentally release a deadly gas into the air, the vapors cause the dead to rise again as zombies.”

REVIEW:

Nobody I know loves The Return of the Living Dead quite as much as I do, I am very sure of this.

I remember sneaking into a cinema which was on the aireforce base with my older brother when I was nine years of age. The “cinema” (if you could call it that) was chock-full with the local punk and whatnot from our little town (I guess this was a fine outing for them, being in a small town there wasn’t much else around!).

We sat at the back, and I enjoyed every second of my 91 minutes of joy which this film brought. It made me laugh (this film essentially is comedy underneath everything else), and I am pleased to say it introduced me to a lot of very cool bands such as Roky Erickson, TSOL, SSQ, The Cramps, The Flesh Eaters, 45 Grave, The Damned, Tall Boys and The Jet Black Berries. (All of whom I still am a fan of and follow closely).

I loved the “zombies” in this film, they are still probably my favorite (along-side Lucio Fulci’s amazing creations, but that’s for another review).

This film never takes itself seriously, and you shouldn’t either, do yourselves a favor and track down this, along with it’s incredible soundtrack (which I owned on cassette back in the day).

 

RATING:

8 OUT OF 10 – I just wish it were longer!!

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The Devil Inside (2012)

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Having previously just seen and reviewed The Boy here (click name to read the review), I thought I’d take some time out to review the director’s previous outing – The Devil Inside from 2012. (He did direct another film – Wer from 2013, but that one is sadly not even worth the review).

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SYNOPSIS:

“In Italy, a woman becomes involved in a series of unauthorized exorcisms during her mission to discover what happened to her mother, who allegedly murdered three people during her own exorcism.”

REVIEW:

This film, being set in Italy, is a little different to the usual American fanfare horror shit being pumped down our throats, but that is probably where the originality ends, sadly for this complete mess of a film.

I enjoy horror films (obviously), and usually Exorcism ones are right up my alley, if they’re done correctly (such as The Exorcist from 1973), but this one does everything wrong. It relies (once again!) on extremely loud noises, horrible flashing lights, twisting torso’s (unnaturally, I might add), and paranormal-activity-esque shitty camera movement/work.

Regardless of the “acting” being quite well done, this cannot save this utter piece of garbage and the horrid taste it leaves in the back of your throat.

I want my 80 minutes back 😦

 

RATING:

2 OUT OF 10.

The Boy (2016) Review

This is the post excerpt.

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Being my first review for this blog, The Boy is still fresh in my memory – I only saw it 2 nights ago on Bluray.

SYNOPSIS:

The Boy tells the story of young American woman Greta Evans who is running from an abusive ex-boyfriend and manages (somehow) to end up in the English countryside at some kind of manor, taking on the position of a Nanny for an odd old couple named Mr and Mrs. Heelshire (yes, Heel-Shire).

REVIEW:

The film opens with Great arriving at the Heelshire’s manor, which is a vast and complex looking place (to say the least).

Soon after entering, she is introduced to their “son” Brahms.

Brahms seems even stranger than his “parents”, simply because he is not real, per say. Brahms is a doll – yes – a fucking DOLL. Porcelain – enough said.

Greta is left with strict rules regarding Brahms and looking after him, and the Heelshit…Heelshire’s are then on their merry way (apparently their first holiday away in many years), leaving Greta open-mouthed, alone (seemingly) and dumb to believe that a couple (even as odd as the Heelshire’s) would actually keep a porcelain doll as a son.

Almost immediately, Greta is met with many loud bangs, Brahms being moved on his own, turning up in strange places, doors slamming, etc etc.

(This is the typical American PG-13 horror kind of shit that truly fucks me off about films nowadays, catering for the child masses, making films for the money alone, even though they’d probably make more if they truly knuckled down and released something good rather than something that everyone wants to see!).

It is soon apparent that the film-makers want you to believe that it is indeed Greta’s jealous and twisted ex-boyfriend being the menace in the house (I was personally dreading this possibility and am relieved that it was not the case, it would have made the film even more predictable than it already was).

The film drags somewhat, Greta meets and “makes out” with the local grocery-delivery boy, who is quite annoying (to say the least), the ex-boyfriend turns up, and we soon discover that…

Well, I will not spoil this film, other than to give it a fantastic rating of:

RATING:

3 OUT OF 10

Three for effort, but the director certainly needs to learn one thing – loud bangs and scratching noises are not scare…not in the least. They don’t make me jump, nor do they serve as a “creation of tension” – they’re cliche and predictable.