The Amityville Playhouse (2015)


“Following the tragic death of her parents Fawn Harriman discovers she has inherited a theater in the town of Amityville. She, along with 3 friends, decides to spend the weekend there looking the place over. Meanwhile one of her High School teachers begins an investigation into the village’s past and makes a connection with something that goes back beyond recorded history.”


Lets us be honest here – the only decent Amityville film was the original from 1979, and even that was not a classic horror film in my eyes, it suffered from a badly written script, predictability, and sub-par acting, but at least it tried, right?

Amytiville Playhouse I viewed this morning (hey, I kept the lights out for full effect, and it was very early), but I am regretting it even minutes after.

Let us begin with the negative, because let’s face it…there ain’t nothing positive about this steaming pile of shit.

  1. Production values must have been extremely scarce here.
  2. The acting here (even for a low-budget film) is absolutely unforgivable and cringe-worthy.
  3. The audio for this film is incredibly “hollow” sounding, like it was recorded inside of a rubbish bin (perhaps it was).
  4. Poorly (and I mean very poor) written script which is also unforgiving.

This thing does not get anything right.”lead actress” Monèle LeStrat has never appeared in a film before, not even a TV advert or short film, and it shows. Oh Lord, does it show. She mumbles and fumbles her way through this poorly written script with the best of an amateur’s ability, but is so terribly bad at even doing that – it left me reaching for the stop button less than 20 minutes into this shitfest.

The rest of the so-called “cast” have never been in a motion picture film either, nor an advert or short film, they have no experience, and it (too) shows.

So, who the hell is responsible for this mess?

John R. Walker – an actor turned director, and this is his “feature film debut” to be proud of. It’s an atrocious first attempt. He appears in this film too, so be warned.

Believe me, if you’re a fan of horror like myself, or films in general, spare yourself the pain of this, I made the mistake of sitting through the whole thing and it’s damaged my brain some.


0 out of 10 – This is what is referred to as a “stinker” in the business of film.


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